Sunday, February 24, 2008

Midnight. Not a sound from the pavement.

Taking a break from talking all about myself, I want to talk about some of the other people in my life. A certain person is uppermost in my mind, because I've just been listening to one of his high lectures on philosophy. That's high as in marijuana, not high as in I'm-a-snob-and-think-philosophy-is-better-than-regular-thought. I may not be a psychologist, but I'm worried about his emotional state. He went on a long diatribe that led to the statement that you should never depend on anyone. It's hard to be mad at him when he so clearly displays some sort of emotional wound and doesn't seem to even notice that he's displaying it. I just wish he wouldn't take it out on me. Okay, so I can't resist talking about myself for three sentences. Deal; this is the inside of my head.

A friend came over tonight. I've known him for almost 6 years and I can't really tell what's going on in his head. I wish I knew that he was dealing well with the not going to grad school thing. We cooked and ate together; sometimes that helps more than talking about feelings, but sometimes it's just a way of avoiding talking. I think tonight was the former, but I can't swear to it.

I spoke with C and A on the phone and L on IM. They reminded me of what it's like to have real friendships. None of them was in the best mood today, for various reasons, but that didn't matter. We still talked. Very few people here are at the talk-to-me-even-when-unhappy stage. I think part of that stems from my emotional inaccessibility. Which I've been working on for a while now, and it's getting pretty good.

I need to stop. This is one of those nights where writing doesn't help, but just reinforces bad feelings. Bah.

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